There hasn't been much to say, except that it was hard. But today an article on Lifehacker titled "The Things Nobody Tells You About Grief" caught my eye, and especially the second item on the list about dealing with someone who is grieving: "Understand you’re now dealing with a muddled mind."
This has been very true for me, and has caused me revisit some of my precious values and principles with a more lenient eye.
I'm not cooking anything from scratch right now. No original recipes. We're eating a rotation of 7-10 meals and they are all something I can put together without thinking about it.
I'm not making up new designs to sew or knit or craft. No original patterns. I'm working with kits, or following instructions, or taking classes where someone else figures out what to work on and what materials are needed and provides them.
I'm not challenging myself to do more or better. I'm "challenging" myself to do just enough, to do it well enough, and to let go of expectations or judgments.
Because one thing I've learned from this summer of losing my daddy bit by bit is that ain't nobody got time for expectations or judgments.
PS--I'm ok. Or I'm in denial, but that's ok too. No expectations, no judgments. That's just where I am right now. So don't worry. But thank you for your concern because it helps.