|Start with a bed sheet and some curtain valances from the thrift store. Or other suitable raw materials. Bonus points if you get this stuff on half price sale day. Notice the birds. They matter.|
|For the next bit, the bed sheet will be represented by this charming piece of paper. Notice the birds. They matter.|
|Fold the bed sheet in half the hamburger way.|
|Fold bed sheet again the, uh, other hamburger way.|
|Press lightly, then open so that you have one fold at the top, and the pressed line in the center front.|
|Cut straight up the middle of the front, on the pressed line, stopping at the top fold. Be neat, but not anal.|
|Cut out from each side of the center cut, JUST A LITTLE, on the top fold line. Be neat, but not anal.|
|Momentary bed sheet cameo to demonstrate what "just a little" means. 3"-4" will do the job. Notice the "neat but not anal" cut along the top. Nobody will notice. Seriously.|
|Back to paper. Fold the center edges in to form a "lapel" opening.|
|Put on your bed sheet so that the opening is in front, charmingly modeled here by my friend and colleague Dora-san.|
|OK, here's where it gets tricky. Wrap one valance around your waist as a belt and pin or tie it in back. Make sure the hem of the bed sheet hangs even around your feet. You'll have to fiddle with the "sleeves" to get things just right.|
|Fiddle with the second valance until you get a shape that is more or less an obi. Tuck it into the belt and pin it in place.|
|Obi not to scale. Nor is the kimono. Nor Dora's head. It's only a model.|
|A goddess and a geisha heading out to the carnival.|
In retrospect, a queen-size bed sheet was just a little too big, but you can't beat 20 minutes of work and $4.00 in materials.
Tomorrow: my real Halloween costume. No lie.